adfhdfdlfdsnfhdslfjlgjgrrrrghdljahahahahahahhhhhh!!! WOW! I feel better. So I've been noticing something about myself a lot lately. I Need to be in control of every situation I'm in. It drives me insane. It doesn't matter the setting either, I just have to be in control, or at least know everything that is going on.
I've noticed it at work a lot recently. If I come up with an idea and tell someone else, and then someone suggests something else, I get hyper-sensitive and wonder why my idea wasn't good enough, or why they are trying to steal my spot. I know it's a horrid insecurity but it drives me nuts. And no matter how the idea is pitched, I feel like they are saying I'm stupid. I have got to find a way to get over this teenage mindset before it drives me literally insane. I just always want to do things my way. I need to just fucking chill ha, there is no other way to put it. So I feel better now, thanks for letting me vent!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
hello!
Hello blog world! been a very long time and I still can't think of anything to really write about. Sitting in class today I had some really good thoughts and of course, I forgot them, boo. Well life has been going great, except I've been wanting to sleep 100% of the time, it's getting to the point where I'll skip class to go home and take a nap. This weather needs to change pronto. I've been thinking of some great topics to talk about and I really don't have anything.
One that has been on my mind a little bit is perception. I think I've talked about it before but it's something that I think about a lot. How do other people see me? Do the actions I take come off as they are intended? I know I come across very strong and I think that comes from my determination, wanting to be in charge and help out wherever I can. Does it come across as a good thing or as overbearing, I don't know. One really can't know how they are perceived though, just do the best they can to treat everyone the same and be honest in everything you do. So there is my schpeel today, and it felt soo good!! Now I'm off to think about doing homework and sleeeeeep. Yes. I plan to be in bed by 930, problems?
One that has been on my mind a little bit is perception. I think I've talked about it before but it's something that I think about a lot. How do other people see me? Do the actions I take come off as they are intended? I know I come across very strong and I think that comes from my determination, wanting to be in charge and help out wherever I can. Does it come across as a good thing or as overbearing, I don't know. One really can't know how they are perceived though, just do the best they can to treat everyone the same and be honest in everything you do. So there is my schpeel today, and it felt soo good!! Now I'm off to think about doing homework and sleeeeeep. Yes. I plan to be in bed by 930, problems?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
love
So, the last few days I've felt in a slum and I don't know why. I've been trying to blame it on a few things and I can't seem to put my finger on it-maybe it's my relationship? maybe it's school? maybe it's just me? who knows. Then as I was at work trying to be a grump it hit me: My life isn't perfect, who cares? it's damn good. I have a lot of great things and people in my life.
I can't always be looking for what is wrong with everything or complaining that I can't fix it. And I can't always be trying to find the deeper meaning, or what something means to me. I just need to Live...duh haha.
On a lighter note, I'm trying really hard to find good quotes, and I don't really know where to look, any ideas would be great.
I can't always be looking for what is wrong with everything or complaining that I can't fix it. And I can't always be trying to find the deeper meaning, or what something means to me. I just need to Live...duh haha.
On a lighter note, I'm trying really hard to find good quotes, and I don't really know where to look, any ideas would be great.
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to,
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have.
-unknown
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Going strong
Three weeks into the semester and still going strong on study habits And on the Blog! yay me! This semester has been refreshingly difficult, it's a nice change from getting in the same flow every semester. And I actually like the classes and being challenged, I still feel like I'm on the right path with marketing-but-it Is only three weeks into it so I should give it more time before I judge fully. I think I like this semester because I feel like I'm taking ownership of my collegiate career etc. Along with that I feel like I'm trying to grow up in other places. I need to keep working hard at my work though. I feel like I've been slacking off a lot lately in that area, I can't get too comfortable and I'm trying not to do that, it's a hard boundary to play!! I know I have lots to work on in that area, and that makes me nervous as hell really. Life is all about impressions and I'm trying really hard to keep a positive impression there; any wrong step and that can crumble-yikes.
On a personal note: Jake and I had a really good conversation today that helped me see things about our relationship a little better. We are both completely different people and we help bring each other down a bit. But I've felt recently like we have completely separate social lives and never really see each other on the weekends and stuff. Because I'm not 21 I've felt kinda left out :(
But when I brought up this issue today he said you're right we do have different social lives and it's for the better. When we go out together I end up getting really grumpy because we're stuck in social situations that make me uncomfortable, (lots of drunk people, loud, obnoxious, too many, etc.) I end up getting really stressed and grumpy, not to mention tired because we're out till 3 or 4 in the morning and it's not fair to either of us to put each other through that. So to openly talk about the situation was nice. When I turn 21 it'll be a completely different story though!
So to wrap it up, I'm not one for house parties, and it's better to just keep my nose out of it haha. Can't wait to be 21 and be able to party it up though!!
All in all it's been a good weekend so far, just lots of work, which =$$$. Speaking of, I think it might be time for retail therapy soon, spring fever ahhh.
This has been a very long post, felt good but it's time to go now! As always, thanks for letting me vent.
On a personal note: Jake and I had a really good conversation today that helped me see things about our relationship a little better. We are both completely different people and we help bring each other down a bit. But I've felt recently like we have completely separate social lives and never really see each other on the weekends and stuff. Because I'm not 21 I've felt kinda left out :(
But when I brought up this issue today he said you're right we do have different social lives and it's for the better. When we go out together I end up getting really grumpy because we're stuck in social situations that make me uncomfortable, (lots of drunk people, loud, obnoxious, too many, etc.) I end up getting really stressed and grumpy, not to mention tired because we're out till 3 or 4 in the morning and it's not fair to either of us to put each other through that. So to openly talk about the situation was nice. When I turn 21 it'll be a completely different story though!
So to wrap it up, I'm not one for house parties, and it's better to just keep my nose out of it haha. Can't wait to be 21 and be able to party it up though!!
All in all it's been a good weekend so far, just lots of work, which =$$$. Speaking of, I think it might be time for retail therapy soon, spring fever ahhh.
This has been a very long post, felt good but it's time to go now! As always, thanks for letting me vent.
Friday, January 21, 2011
words
I don't have much to say today. I know it's not spring yet, but I feel like it's time to start redoing my wardrobe a bit! Shopping online can be addicting. During the winter I want to be so energetic and proactive and get out and do things, but then I walk outside and lose all motivation because it's so FREEZZIINNGG!!
I really need to be more proactive, even if it's just taking on projects or something! I think I might want to get into baking as well, but then I sit down to look up the recipes, and lose all motivation. I blame winter. Something about the cold just sucks the oommpha right outta me.
But! on the bright side, I am starting a project for work, a magnet board! It will only take 10 minutes, but it's still something. Anywhoo, I'm out of things to say for the moment, maybe in all my boredom I'll think of something else to post about later.
I really need to be more proactive, even if it's just taking on projects or something! I think I might want to get into baking as well, but then I sit down to look up the recipes, and lose all motivation. I blame winter. Something about the cold just sucks the oommpha right outta me.
But! on the bright side, I am starting a project for work, a magnet board! It will only take 10 minutes, but it's still something. Anywhoo, I'm out of things to say for the moment, maybe in all my boredom I'll think of something else to post about later.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
hmmm
Alright, I know that this is a daring, and possibly seem somewhat desperate post.
But:
I've noticed, and not just lately, that everyone is getting married, literally everyone. Now I'm not saying that I'm in ANY rush to get married, but sometimes I catch myself wishing. For some reason my brain has always had this ridiculous occupation with weddings, engagements, dresses, flowers, literally every aspect of a wedding. I catch myself planning and planning and planning my own! Why? I really don't know, but my brain just loves it.
I hope this post doesn't freak anyone out and think I'm a wedding/bridal crazed maniac, but just a fair warning, when I DO get engaged, I won't shut up about it, just saying haha.
*special disclaimer..jake: if you Ever read this, which i doubt you will, don't think this is a giant Hint..it's not. promise.
Ugh, just had to get that off my chest, because some part in my brain keeps bugging me about it.
This is what my brain has come up with....maybe....
But:
I've noticed, and not just lately, that everyone is getting married, literally everyone. Now I'm not saying that I'm in ANY rush to get married, but sometimes I catch myself wishing. For some reason my brain has always had this ridiculous occupation with weddings, engagements, dresses, flowers, literally every aspect of a wedding. I catch myself planning and planning and planning my own! Why? I really don't know, but my brain just loves it.
I hope this post doesn't freak anyone out and think I'm a wedding/bridal crazed maniac, but just a fair warning, when I DO get engaged, I won't shut up about it, just saying haha.
*special disclaimer..jake: if you Ever read this, which i doubt you will, don't think this is a giant Hint..it's not. promise.
Ugh, just had to get that off my chest, because some part in my brain keeps bugging me about it.
This is what my brain has come up with....maybe....
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
bleh
Nothing much to say today. I've noticed lately that I'm a total movie junky, I love seeing new movies! Or maybe it's not so much that I'm a junky, just that all the movies I've seen lately have been insanely good! Black Swan and the Fighter, I can't say enough how much I loved both of them!
Also, I've been trying new stuff in the kitchen. I should preface this by saying I am super super lazy and very not creative in the kitchen. So my "new things" are like roasting potatoes haha! But after watching the food channel (which I do too often) I get really energized and ready to cook, until I actually try, then I quickly become disenchanted. Maybe it's because I can't cook, maybe it's because I don't have the patience, either way, I've decided I need to make more of an effort in there.
Well, that's about all I have to say today. I'm getting up the nerve to have a semi-serious talk today at work, so we'll see how that goes!
Wish me luck!
Also, I've been trying new stuff in the kitchen. I should preface this by saying I am super super lazy and very not creative in the kitchen. So my "new things" are like roasting potatoes haha! But after watching the food channel (which I do too often) I get really energized and ready to cook, until I actually try, then I quickly become disenchanted. Maybe it's because I can't cook, maybe it's because I don't have the patience, either way, I've decided I need to make more of an effort in there.
Well, that's about all I have to say today. I'm getting up the nerve to have a semi-serious talk today at work, so we'll see how that goes!
Wish me luck!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Edit
I really need/want to update the look of my profile! but i'm far too lazy to do that. I feel like I've been far too lazy to do most things this weekend.
-shower...nah
-study...eh, maybe
-eat, well ok that one has happened maybe too much!
-clean: hahahahahaha!!!
Anyway, I'm craving going to see black swan again, it's like I can't stop thinking about that damn movie!
I've decided that life is one giant rollercoaster. I used to think that highs and lows in my relationships were signs of bad or good. They're not; just the way life moves! It feels good to start learning more about myself and life, blah blah blah.
I'm gonna go eat some homemade jello!!!
-shower...nah
-study...eh, maybe
-eat, well ok that one has happened maybe too much!
-clean: hahahahahaha!!!
Anyway, I'm craving going to see black swan again, it's like I can't stop thinking about that damn movie!
I've decided that life is one giant rollercoaster. I used to think that highs and lows in my relationships were signs of bad or good. They're not; just the way life moves! It feels good to start learning more about myself and life, blah blah blah.
I'm gonna go eat some homemade jello!!!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
WOW!! it has been a ridiculously long time since I've posted, I guess that is how life goes. Well I guess I should update;
Jake and I moved in together!!! In JULY it's been quite awhile haha but it is going great and I think I can say we are loving it. I feel like I'm learning to live with another person and share my things and space. I feel like we are beginning to start our own 'family' but in a slow manner.
On another note, work is still work! I'm learning a lot and I love it! Life is just good, I'm happy, stressed but happy.
One thing I've noticed ever since I got back from Spain is that I really need to work on relationships and building them and maintaining them. I'm not the type of person to just put myself out there and befriend everyone I meet. I feel like I really want to work on my relationships with A, C, and E! I love those girls to death and hope to become closer to them even after we all grow up and move our separate ways.
Also, my best friend S, is amazing. she got married in October and I'm very happy for her. I know that newlywed life can be exciting and absorbing, but I miss my best friend at times.
WELL!
I feel like this is a long enough post to get back into the blogging world. I'll have to make this a new thing to keep up.....again.
New semester, new motivation!!!
Jake and I moved in together!!! In JULY it's been quite awhile haha but it is going great and I think I can say we are loving it. I feel like I'm learning to live with another person and share my things and space. I feel like we are beginning to start our own 'family' but in a slow manner.
On another note, work is still work! I'm learning a lot and I love it! Life is just good, I'm happy, stressed but happy.
One thing I've noticed ever since I got back from Spain is that I really need to work on relationships and building them and maintaining them. I'm not the type of person to just put myself out there and befriend everyone I meet. I feel like I really want to work on my relationships with A, C, and E! I love those girls to death and hope to become closer to them even after we all grow up and move our separate ways.
Also, my best friend S, is amazing. she got married in October and I'm very happy for her. I know that newlywed life can be exciting and absorbing, but I miss my best friend at times.
WELL!
I feel like this is a long enough post to get back into the blogging world. I'll have to make this a new thing to keep up.....again.
New semester, new motivation!!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Spain
Holy crap yes I am alive. sorry I've been totally m.i.a. the last Five weeks! But Spain has been amazing, but I am very ready to come home. Oviedo is such a beautiful place, the perfect blend of old meets new. Anyway, I have absolutely loved class here and the people! I live with a host mom, Marisol, and she is absolutely amazing! She has two dogs, Randy and Ruchi and they are also amazing! And she is very understanding that I don't speak Spanish very well haha and she is so laid back. The second night in Spain I drank a little too much and threw up, ya, welcome to Spain! There is a lot going on in my head right now but I am just starting to wind down and I am ready to come home. I think once I get home I'll be able to reflect much better and write more about the entire experience.
But there are some great people here and the people of Oviedo are truly amazing.
But there are some great people here and the people of Oviedo are truly amazing.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
madrid
I'M IN MADRID!!!!!! it is absolutely terrifying flying by yourself in a foreign country by the way. I keep getting overwhelming waves of emotion and I burst into tears on the spot; not sure what's with that but it's getting old haha. anyway, I have the best friends in the world for being so supportive of this trip and i already cannot wait to get back and tell them everything!!! BUT i only have 7 minutes left on my purchased internet and must say goodbye for the moment. I'll try to write again! adios!
Monday, May 17, 2010
lost
Sorry guys, I've been kinda m.i.a. the last few days I'm going through a rough patch and really don't feel like talking about it yet. I'm still working on how to handle everything so I don't want to rant about anything yet. I'm a little heartbroken I'll put it that way and so I'm a slight wreck.
I don't really know what else to talk about because this seems to be all I can think about. Sorry I'm being such a downer I just feel a little out of control right now and I'm trying really hard to reign it all in.
That's all I have to say right now, I just feel like laying in bed right now.
I don't really know what else to talk about because this seems to be all I can think about. Sorry I'm being such a downer I just feel a little out of control right now and I'm trying really hard to reign it all in.
That's all I have to say right now, I just feel like laying in bed right now.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
help cont'd
FIRST: AHHHH I HATE TYPOS!!!! especially when I notice them in my own typing, I feel like a total failure when I see them haha.
Anyway, back to my previous post. I really am worried about them, but I don't want to enable their current behavior. I was talking to my mom today and she said that they probably have to be with someone to feel good about themselves, which I can understand, and that is a bad habit to fall into, but I also think that that doesn't excuse your behavior around others. I know I just keep saying the same thing but I am just trying to think of something to say to them that would be meaningful, but not offensive. I really think they need to quit doing things for others attention and acceptance and just needs to do what makes them happy for once. I think they need to find a way to not be insecure about every word that comes out of their mouth. I know, easier said than done but it realllly needs to be done!!! I feel so bad for talking about this, but I really am concerned about this situation. hmm bother. well that was a wonderful vent/thinking session. thanks!
on a lighter note, when to sushi with some good people, it was nice to meet new people. really excited for work tomorrow!
AAANNNDDD holy crap, I really have to start preparing for Spain. damn.
Anyway, back to my previous post. I really am worried about them, but I don't want to enable their current behavior. I was talking to my mom today and she said that they probably have to be with someone to feel good about themselves, which I can understand, and that is a bad habit to fall into, but I also think that that doesn't excuse your behavior around others. I know I just keep saying the same thing but I am just trying to think of something to say to them that would be meaningful, but not offensive. I really think they need to quit doing things for others attention and acceptance and just needs to do what makes them happy for once. I think they need to find a way to not be insecure about every word that comes out of their mouth. I know, easier said than done but it realllly needs to be done!!! I feel so bad for talking about this, but I really am concerned about this situation. hmm bother. well that was a wonderful vent/thinking session. thanks!
on a lighter note, when to sushi with some good people, it was nice to meet new people. really excited for work tomorrow!
AAANNNDDD holy crap, I really have to start preparing for Spain. damn.
help
I've had this thought that keeps nagging at me and I'm not sure what to do. I have this person in my life that is having a hard time, but at the same time I feel like they've brought a lot of it upon themselves. I feel like someone needs to reach out to them and help them, but I don't want to enable their current behavior, but I think if I don't then they will only get worse.
I don't really know how to say what I'm hoping for. I guess I just want them to feel like they are accepted, and that they have someone to talk to, but not whine too! well I will add to this later, I've got to shower and such now!
I think I need to put some more thought into this one.
I don't really know how to say what I'm hoping for. I guess I just want them to feel like they are accepted, and that they have someone to talk to, but not whine too! well I will add to this later, I've got to shower and such now!
I think I need to put some more thought into this one.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Preparations
I have nooo motivation today! I am tired and just feel like sitting on the couch and watching tv all day. But I need to get up and be productive and have a good day at work.
I leave for Spain in 11 days and I'm starting to get really nervous about it. I'm going to be living with a family that doesn't speak English!!! And it's for 5 weeks, that is so long. I'm afraid I'm going to be missing out on so many things here at home and work. I know it's a good experience to be away from home and the comfort of what you know but I am scared. I'll be taking classes so that will keep me busy! I am also scared of making friends!!! I know that is a silly concern, but I always get so nervous around new people, especially because we will be trying to communicate in a new language! I have to start getting packed and ready for learning a language. there is a lot to get ready.
So I feel a little better about it, thanks for letting me vent!!
Getting ice cream with my boyfriend tonight!! so excited :)
I leave for Spain in 11 days and I'm starting to get really nervous about it. I'm going to be living with a family that doesn't speak English!!! And it's for 5 weeks, that is so long. I'm afraid I'm going to be missing out on so many things here at home and work. I know it's a good experience to be away from home and the comfort of what you know but I am scared. I'll be taking classes so that will keep me busy! I am also scared of making friends!!! I know that is a silly concern, but I always get so nervous around new people, especially because we will be trying to communicate in a new language! I have to start getting packed and ready for learning a language. there is a lot to get ready.
So I feel a little better about it, thanks for letting me vent!!
Getting ice cream with my boyfriend tonight!! so excited :)
Duffy - Syrup & Honey
I love this video because it's her recording so it's not tweaked at all and I just love watching artists actually perform and really get into the music.
Monday, May 10, 2010
mother's day
HAPPY LATE MOTHER'S DAY! Mother's day was wonderful this year! we went to J's brother's homecoming at the Mormon church and it was really enjoyable! I've never been a religious person, mainly because I wasn't raised with it, but going to church every once in a while is quite refreshing. While the crying and talking babies aren't very enjoyable listening to the speakers is.
I don't really have much to say today, just that the weekend was awesome and it feels really nice to have finals over with. Today is not the day for deep discussion haha.
Oh one downside to the weekend, i think i broke my toe :(
so that is all for today. sorry, I'll have something better to say later i think.
I don't really have much to say today, just that the weekend was awesome and it feels really nice to have finals over with. Today is not the day for deep discussion haha.
Oh one downside to the weekend, i think i broke my toe :(
so that is all for today. sorry, I'll have something better to say later i think.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
update
Ok sorry I've been gone for a few days, I'm finally done with finals. Today was a stressful day at work and I just need to remember that there are some things I cannot change, cannot control, and don't have to control. I don't always needs to be in charge and I don't need to pick up after everyone else.
I also think I need to be more patient. a LOT more patient. I noticed myself today raising my eyebrows or scoffing at a customer or even a co-worker, this is horrible. I am not perfect, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to be. This is kind of a random post and about just a few things I've noticed about myself and what I need to work on.
And I need to make an apology, I am sorry I overreacted you're right I am tired too, and we don't need to see each other all the time. But it is hard to get excited about plans and have them change for what seems like a silly reason. But I don't need to depend on you for my happiness and contentment. I'm sorry, I'll work on that.
I think that will be my next post. yup. well alright.
FINALS ARE OVER!!! SO EXCITED. now to plan for Spain. oh my gosh. I'm so nervous.
To C, E, and A (and I'm totally stealing this from A), thank you, you are all amazing, beautiful people. Work wouldn't be the same without you.
I also think I need to be more patient. a LOT more patient. I noticed myself today raising my eyebrows or scoffing at a customer or even a co-worker, this is horrible. I am not perfect, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to be. This is kind of a random post and about just a few things I've noticed about myself and what I need to work on.
And I need to make an apology, I am sorry I overreacted you're right I am tired too, and we don't need to see each other all the time. But it is hard to get excited about plans and have them change for what seems like a silly reason. But I don't need to depend on you for my happiness and contentment. I'm sorry, I'll work on that.
I think that will be my next post. yup. well alright.
FINALS ARE OVER!!! SO EXCITED. now to plan for Spain. oh my gosh. I'm so nervous.
To C, E, and A (and I'm totally stealing this from A), thank you, you are all amazing, beautiful people. Work wouldn't be the same without you.
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